


Waving or Drowning

by romanticalgirl



Category: Brothers & Sisters
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-19
Updated: 2013-04-19
Packaged: 2017-12-08 22:09:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/766588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticalgirl/pseuds/romanticalgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In over my head. A sequel to <a href="http://romanticalgirl.livejournal.com/433378.html">Fraternity</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	Waving or Drowning

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [](http://inlovewithnight.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://inlovewithnight.livejournal.com/)**inlovewithnight** for the beta and title.
> 
> Originally posted 2-22-07

Tommy tries to be fair.

He’s seen Kitty kiss guys. He’s seen Sarah kiss guys. He’s seen Justin kiss girls. He’s seen so many kisses that he didn’t want to see, he doesn’t know why this one bothers him so much, but it does. He’d like to chalk it up to the fact that it’s his _brother_ kissing another _guy_ , but he can’t quite believe that’s all it is.

Which means it’s something else altogether.

Something in the way Kevin’s holding himself, he thinks as he watches, arms draped over the steering wheel, sunglasses hiding his eyes. Kevin normally stands straight, proud – to be a Walker if nothing else. But even with coming out, Kevin’s never backed down, never stood down.

And yet he looks…

Tommy shakes his head and shifts back in his seat. The guy Kevin’s with is different than Tommy would have pegged for Kevin. Not that he’s given much thought as to what kind of guy Kevin would be interested in – hell, given _any_ thought to that, but this guy seems so far away from the kind of _person_ Kevin would like that Tommy can’t help but be sort of fascinated.

There’s no ease in their relationship, no relaxation in their stance as they sprawl on the steps outside the building together. Couples on the grass and around them have a sense of togetherness, of solitude in the crowd, but Kevin and this guy look…

Tommy pushes the car door open, not willing to think any more. He came here to check on his brother and that’s what he’s going to do. Not sit around spying on him like Kevin’s got some secret life, some _secret_ at all. No one in this family keep secrets. Kevin doesn’t keep secrets.

 _Yeah, except the one about who and what he is, which he kept pretty damn secret for a long time._ he reminds himself, wishing he could shut the voice in his head up, especially since it sounds – always sounds – like Kevin. Voice of reason and right, even though Tommy knows right now, whatever else is going on, something here _isn’t_ right.

At all.

If he had any question, it’s cleared up the second Kevin sees him. Kevin’s eyes are expressive, and the shift from the uncertainty Tommy sees when Kevin’s looking at the guy next to him to the abject fear that blossoms the second Kevin looks up at the shadow crossing him tells a story Tommy’s not sure he can hear without ending up in prison for a homicide, or at least behind bars for beating the shit out of the guy holding tight to his little brother’s hand.

“Hey, Kevin.” He keeps his voice light, though he knows the pulse in his jaw is jumping, can see Kevin’s eyes glance at it. “Thought I’d stop by and see if you were free for lunch.”

“He’s never free,” the guy sitting next to Kevin smiles, all smart-ass and full of himself. Tommy knows the type. Hell, Tommy _was_ the type. “But I do rent him out by the hour.”

Kevin flushes but doesn’t say anything, and that’s the last straw for Tommy. Kevin doesn’t let anyone use him unless he’s getting something out of the deal, but there’s nothing here that Tommy can see that he’s getting, other than a nice dose of humiliation he doesn’t need. Hell, he gets that for free. Came with the birth certificate.

“Kevin.” There’s warning in Tommy’s voice and he wonders at the flash in the guy’s eyes. He’s obviously not used to having someone stand up to him, and that just ratchets Tommy’s anger higher. “Are you going to introduce us?”

Kevin doesn’t say a word and it’s all Tommy can do to shove his hands in his pockets and not jerk his brother to his feet and shake some damn sense into him. Tommy’s no fool, no matter what half the world would have you think. He can see what’s going on, and he’s about two seconds away from ending it with his fist through Kevin’s boyfriend’s face. The only thing keeping him in check is that he’s not sure he won’t turn around and do the same to Kevin.

“Yeah, Kev.” The guy leans over, voice light and easy, but there’s something beneath it, something that lets Tommy know that, whatever he’s promising Kevin underneath his breath, it’s not going to end well. “Introduce us.”

“Th-this is my brother, Tommy.” Kevin’s voice sends sparks of fury through Tommy, overriding everything else. This is his _goddamn_ brother who wants to be a lawyer? “And this is Joel.”

Tommy can’t stop the words, not sure he would if he could. “Your keeper?”

Kevin jerks his gaze to Tommy’s, looking hurt. Tommy’s pretty sure it’s a step above scared, but he’s also pretty sure the fear’s not all that far behind. Whatever he thought he was doing – trying to find out what Kevin was hiding the night he got beaten up – has taken a back seat to whatever it is that he’s done here, which as far as he can tell, is challenge Joel’s self-appointed right to claim Kevin as his own.

“Either way, you’ll have to waive your hourly fee. In our family, we get more than a discounted rate.” He doesn’t look at Joel longer than he has to, his eyes resolutely on Kevin. “Come on, Kevin.”

“Tommy, I…”

“No.” Joel’s voice is like butter, warm and lush, and Tommy gets why Kevin’s here, even if he doesn’t get why Kevin’s _here_. “Go on. Have a nice lunch.”

“Joel…”

“Go. Kevin.”

Kevin gets to his feet without further protest and Tommy takes a deep breath. He can see the smug smile on the bastard’s face even without looking. Tommy’s hand clenches into a fist in his pocket and he nods toward the car, willing himself not to pummel a set of expensive teeth into the ground.

He falls in step with Kevin, breathing deeply to keep from losing his cool. Kevin doesn’t look at him, and Tommy glances over, trying to see something more than just his kid brother. He gets that Kevin’s cute, and he knows Kevin’s smart. And he knows it can’t be easy being gay. But he’s not quite sure why Kevin’s decided that punishing himself alongside everyone else is such a great idea.

“Is he good in bed?”

Kevin nearly stumbles, catching himself at the last minute and stopping in front of Tommy’s truck. “I’m sorry?”

“Yeah, we’ll get to that part later. I just want to know if that’s why. Is he good in bed?”

“You are _not_ asking me about my sex life.”

“I don’t want details, no. Just a general overview so I can understand what the _hell_ it is you’re doing.” He digs his keys out of his pocket. “Get in the truck.”

“Tommy…”

“Right. Did I phrase it wrong for you? Get in the truck, Kevin.” His voice is hard and laced with disappointment he can’t quite hide. “Now.”

**

The drive is silent, and Tommy doesn’t think to ask if Kevin’s got classes that day. Doesn’t really care. He drives until he hits the orchards, then keeps going, slowing as he winds his way down the road, the smell of oranges all around them. He can sense Kevin relaxing, feel the tension leave his brother, leave the truck. Tommy wonders if Kevin has to do this when he makes it home for dinner, has to drive around until he comes back to himself.

“How long?”

“We’re not doing this, Tommy.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Kevin.” He pulls off the main road into one of the shadowy stretches between rows of trees. This world was as much home to him as a kid as the house where they still routinely gather for Sunday dinner. He doesn’t know if it’s the same for Kevin, but something tells him it is. It has to be.

“No. We’re not.” Kevin reaches over and opens the door, and Tommy’s not sure where he thinks he’s going, but he’s not about to take the chance.

“Is your boyfriend the one who beat you up?”

Kevin freezes and it’s all the answer Tommy needs, even though he didn’t need it at all. Eventually Kevin shakes his head, though he slides back into his seat, the door shutting quietly. “That’s ridiculous.”

“Yeah? I don’t think so. I think it doesn’t make any sense, but I don’t think I’m wrong.” He taps the steering wheel with his fingers. “Talk to me, Kevin.”

Kevin shuts down better than any of them, probably because he’s had the most practice. Tommy can see the stages, the small movements that signal that this is about to come to a close, and all Tommy’s going to have are suspicions and a very long, very silent ride home.

“It can’t be because you’re gay. I would assume he’s gay, and out if you’re acting like a couple on campus. So it’s not some weird closeted thing that he’s trying to hide. So it’s something else.”

Another wall goes up and Tommy knows if he doesn’t say the right thing and say it soon, it really is over. Tommy reaches out and touches the curve of Kevin’s eyebrow, the slight scar on the edge of it. Kevin flinches away and Tommy sighs, slumping back against his seat.

“Have we not made up for hurting you, Kevin? Is that what this is about? Did we all screw up so bad when you came out that you’re doing this to punish yourself because you think that’s what we want?”

There’s honest shock in Kevin’s eyes and at least he’s back _in_ his eyes, fully there in the car again. “No.”

“Then what? Why? I don’t even have to know this guy to know he’s bad news, bad for you. Kevin, he treats you like you’re beneath him…” he holds up his hand automatically, stopping Kevin from opening his mouth. “And do _not_ go there with the gay joke.” Kevin bites his lower lip, but it’s to keep from smiling and not for any other reason. Tommy sighs. “Kevin, you deserve better.”

“Yeah?” He sighs as well, staring out at the orange grove. “What if it’s not about what I deserve, Tommy? And what if it’s not like what you think. Joel’s well off, he’s smart, he’s funny, he’s popular.”

“He beat you up, Kevin.”

“Misunderstanding.”

“Yeah? Is that what you’re going to call it when he hurts you again?”

“He won’t.” Kevin shakes his head and laughs. “This isn’t some Lifetime movie, Tommy. I’m not in an abusive relationship.”

“Well, you’re no Farrah Fawcett or Meredith Baxter, but I’m pretty sure when a guy sends you to the ER, you’re being abused.”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“Am I?” Tommy exhales and looks up at the ceiling of the truck. “Tell me the truth, Kevin. Did he beat you up that night?”

“We got in a fight.”

“Yeah? Did you hit him? Punch him? Kick him? Pull his hair?”

“I’m not a _girl_.” Kevin rubs his eyes with his hand and exhales. “Take me back to school, Tommy.”

“Kevin, look, I can’t tell you what to do, but I can tell you this. You deserve better and you can _get_ better. All those things you say Joel is? You are too. And he’s not worth it, Kevin. He’s not worth letting him hurt you. Nothing he can give you is worth that.”

“When I’m with him, Tommy?” Kevin’s voice takes on a wistful note, and Tommy’s chest constricts. The last time he heard it was on the back porch of the ranch house they’re not so far from now, Kevin’s hand trying to stem the blood that poured from the scar Tommy had touched, Tommy had put there. “I’m the only one in the world.”

“No, Kevin.” He speaks softly, knowing he’s walking on a knife’s edge. “He’s the only one in your world. There’s a difference.”

“You don’t know.”

“I saw the way he looked at you, Kevin. Saw…saw the way he thinks he owns you.”

“We’re in a relationship.”

“No. No, Kevin.” The anger he thought had gone flares back to life, and he slams his hand against the dash. “A relationship is a partnership. Equal.”

“No one’s equal, Tommy. In anyone’s eyes. We’re all the center of our own universes, and we all judge others based on that. I’m less in Dad’s eyes because I’m gay. I’m less in your eyes because I’m gay. Well, in Joel’s eyes, I’m not less.”

“If you think him owning you, bossing you around, berating you, beating you up is part and parcel of being in a relationship, then you’re not less to him, Kevin. You’re nothing.”

Kevin is silent and Tommy can almost hear every defense click and lock, every wall slam into place. He’s gone too far, and he knows it, and he knows he might never find his way back from here, but he said what he had to say, and if Kevin makes it out of this okay, it’s worth it. And if he doesn’t…

Tommy starts the truck and pulls it back out onto the main road through the groves, heading back to the freeway. He won’t think about the alternative, because Kevin’s his baby brother. And that means there isn’t one.  



End file.
